Sunday, June 7, 2009

Who Am I Again?

Have you ever felt like you didn’t matter? Like if you weren’t somewhere, no one would notice? I’ve felt like that a lot lately. Not at home. At home I matter. If I wasn’t at home I’m pretty sure my wife and son would miss me. In fact, my wife told me she missed me yesterday because I’ve been working so much lately we’ve hardly seen each other. I’m talking about work mostly. It seems when others have a great week they get congratulated like crazy and some pretty crazy bonuses too...trips to Vegas and that kind of thing...yet when I have a great week it takes a co-worker to point out that it was my best week ever and only then did I get “a round of applause”. That’s it. And only because it was pointed out to my bosses. They didn’t even know for themselves.

Then there’s the other job. Lines I’ve been speaking have been completely ignored and others have completely spoken over top of me and taken the focus. Ad libs I came up with that rocked the crowds and became a part of my nightly routine have been taken and spoken by others so now they get the laughs and once again I’m just “the other guy”.

And then this week my step-daughter graduated from college. And I wasn’t invited. It was noticed that I wasn’t there....by my ex-wife...who just couldn’t wait to mention to me how proud SHE was of her. I realize that kids are only allowed a few tickets to these kinds of things...and I am only the step-father, but at least a call to say “I would like you to be there but...” would have been nice. After all, she is the one who says I’m not allowed to call her my step-daughter and that I am her only Dad and she is MY DAUGHTER...

Maybe I should just quit my jobs and stay home. At least there I matter.

Do I sound like I’m whining? I suppose I am. But I’m not sorry. I’m pissed off and I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you for listening.

Rock on.
J-Rock

4 comments:

Wifey : ) said...

I love you and yes, you DEFINITELY matter to me and Jovan!
*muah*

Kelsey said...

You matter to me!!!! We love our Uncle Jon

J-Rock said...

Awww thanks :) I love all you guys too!

Jan said...

You know what? Home is where you matter most, but there are still people to whom you will always matter, even if we've never met.
The other day someone mentioned Vancouver and I said I have a friend there. They asked how long we'd been friends and I said years, what is it, 8, 9 or more? Then I said we'd never met, that we were kind of virtual e-friends rather than penfriends. They said "how can you say they're a friend when you've never met them?"
I said "I don't know, they just are. Meeting would be great one day, but it doesn't make him any less my friend right now."
and it doesn't.
You matter. Believe it.